“During bondage sessions, he always used a safe word that contained upper and lower case letters and at least one number.”
Whether you loved or hated Fifty Shades of Grey, I think we can all agree it’s easy to make fun of.
A hilarious parody account on Twitter called 50 Nerds of Grey popped up this week that does just that. It shares what lines in the book-turned-movie would look like if Christian Grey was a hardcore nerd.
With clever puns and cringe-worthy scenarios, it’s definitely worth checking out.
1. Anything but that!
‘I’ve been a very bad girl,’ she said, biting her lip. ‘I need to be punished.’
‘Very well,’ he said and installed Windows 10 on her laptop.
2. Living on the edge.
She said she was turned on by men who took risks. So he took the plastic off his iPhone screen.
3. Talk about horror.
‘It’s just so long,’ she cried, ‘I don’t think I can take it all in.’
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, ‘but I did tell you it was the director’s cut.’
4. No such thing as too safe.
He was very careful during bondage sessions. He always used a safe word that contained upper and lower case letters and at least one number.
5. Gotta rebooty.
She couldn’t resist him, he really turned her on. Then he turned her off. Then he turned her on again,
His tongue flicked in and out, in and out, faster and faster until she was completely helpless. She couldn’t resist his lizard impression.
7. The clear ones are so hard to see.
She writhed on the floor, squealing at the extreme pain he had inflicted on her. ‘I thought you said you’d put all your Lego bricks away!’
As he lay at her feet, bound, gagged and sore, he realised he had learned his first lesson – never to say Star Trek is better than Star Wars
9. Dammit, Siri.
‘Remove your clothes,’ she said in a calm, clear voice. ‘Now bend over the table.’
He silently obeyed. There was no point arguing with Siri.
10. Very singular.
My tastes are very singular,’ he said, stroking her neck and staring deep into her eyes. ‘I’m lactose intolerant and I can’t eat peas.’
11. Of course he is.
He was heavily into BDSM – Batman, Dungeons & Dragons, Star Trek and Mathematics.
12. So hard.
‘Harder!’ she screamed, ‘Harder!’
‘Alright,’ he said. ‘What’s the square root of nine times twelve divided by six point three recurring?’
Author: Ariana Marini